The greatest happiness of life is the conviction that we are loved -- loved for ourselves, or rather, loved in spite of ourselves. --Victor Hugo
This pretty much sums up how I feel about relationships. I'd expand on that more, but I have an entire separate blog dedicated to just that, so I feel it would be a little redundant to re-emphasize that here.
In the meantime, here is the best quotable story of dumb straight from my life. Just FYI, I'm Korean and adopted.
Hair Stylist: So how long has your family been here?
Me: ...I'm not sure what you mean, my family isn't from Seattle.
Stylist: How long have they been in Washington?
Me: Oh, my parents were born here.
Stylist: And your grandparents?
Me: They were born here, too.
Stylist: Oh, I'm sorry, they must have been in the internment camps.
Eli: But...one of your grandparents must have been Asian, right?
Eli: But...wait...not to be a dick here, but, are you adopted?
Jeff: Cali, you're such a dick.
Jeff: Yes, she's adopted, she's just being a dick.
Blockbuster Coworker: Haha, they're so stupid, there weren't internment camps back then.
Coworker: Yeah, we didn't have very many Asians, so why would we have camps?
And some favorites from my friends:
Jeff: So these doctors in Haiti are having to amputee children without any anesthetics.
Kenny: Wouldn't it be more humane to kill the children, then.
Kenny and I: Uh...
Jeff: .......................WHAT'S WRONG WITH YOU?
Kenny: For a second there I thought you were seriously considering my joke to be a valid point.
Me: But hey, on the bright side, if she worshiped his cock she could make a life sized replica of his penis for her shrine made out of a baby carrot.
Kenny: You're such a horrible person, Cali.
Me: I'm not the one that said the children in Haiti should just die.
Kenny: It was a joke! I didn't mean it!
Echay: So Asian Zombies wouldn't be able to eat anyone without chopsticks. They would just walk around going, "Bwaaah!" unable to eat anyone.
Bert: I think I got an 80%, no 92%.
Me: I think you failed.
Bert: No look, 92%! And you were all like, "No, Bert, you fail at life, you suck so much!" And I was telling the truth. And you said it exactly like that.
Me: What did I say again?
Bert: "Bert you fucking suck at life and I hate you!"
Police: So is this your car that was broken in to?
Me: Yeah, on the passenger side.
Police: You might want to roll up your window.
Woman: Crap, I can't count.
Boyfriend: That's okay, you're a woman.
Woman: ...you probably shouldn't say that in front of female employees...
Me: Yeah, some of us have been educated and have our Bachelors.
Boyfriend: Oh yeah? I have a degree from ITT Technical Institute!
Me: ...that's a tech school...
Boyfriend: It's not just a tech school! I'm also certified in cave diving!
Bibi: You know...in the frozen peas and carrots bag...do the peas come from green beans?
Me: ...no...because they're peas...
Bibi: I know, but, do they come from green beans?
Me: If they came from green beans, they wouldn't be peas.
Bibi: Yeah but, do they come from pea pods or green beans?
Me: ...pea pods. Because they're peas.
Bibi: Oh, right!
Bibi: Apples come after the blossoms, right?